Late Night Thoughts

something more
something less
what’s got to give
to break free of this stress?

a mess is your mind
it creates a mess in mine
whether you love me or not
I cannot tell half the time

you speak in riddles
when you speak at all
you’re hot and then you’re cold
at my heartstrings you claw

looking inward
looking outward
realising I need to let you go
to more forward

I don’t play games
but if I do, I’m playing for keeps
but yours, I have realised, is a game
where I’m destined to weep

Goodbye.

 

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Short and Sweet

If I could chase these blues away
One day I’d hope to find
A little garden filled with flowers
Where we would go to hide
From the darkest clouds of our sorrow
And rain pouring from our cheeks
Dancing in our Sunday’s best
With no other place to be.

Captivated and Intertwined

The sun sets to her west,
as I sit to her east,
light illuminating her outline,
hair blowing in the Autumn breeze.

My eyes they undress her,
not to her naked body, but her naked mind,
her soul it captivates me,
our lips beckoning to be intertwined.

And as the sun goes down,
we use touch to navigate our way,
through the valleys and the crevasses,
of each other’s surface as we lay.

Like a desert that’s been sucked dry,
we then dance for rain,
and when it falls gloriously,
we bathe until we go insane.

Severance

Like pen across paper
A line of attempted erasure
I lay distance between us
For the desired consequence
Maybe you can read it
Maybe you can’t
But I’m all for forgetting
These matters of the heart

And I wish you could understand
I wish I needn’t explain it
You are not what I now distaste
But all of which you still remind me of
A time of such significance and beauty
Which now lay in rubble, lost

Tell me…
How could we possibly move forward
Without holding onto the past?
How could we be anything else
As though this past has been forgot?

Bittersweet and pungent
On my mind, on my lips

Breaking the addiction

There’s a place I used to go. Where I’d spend hour after hour, day after day, stuck in a melancholic trance. Triggered by the smallest of reminder, a state of nostalgia, of confusion, of hurt and resentment. Crazily, I had convinced myself I liked it there. But I refuse to go there anymore. I refuse to visit the past that was once my entire world, and decided it no longer had a place for me. I refuse to let it continue to torment me, to occupy so much space in my mind and hurt in my heart, to keep me being a person I don’t want to be. Letting go and moving on is never easy, but I knew it would happen eventually, and now, well now I am finally free.

Broken and Torn

Broken and torn she lay

Staring into the depths of the night

Flickering through images in her mind

Waiting for consciousness to deteriorate

 

Why is it all she holds dear falls to pieces

Everything believed true a fallacy

Her indomitable spirit broken

Losing her way in the darkness

 

Counting through the chapters

Marking each stage in her life

Wondering how it is she’s managed

To get through all the strife

 

How is it that a character of such virtue

Fell naively into the impressionable

Blinded by the persuasion of desire

A tear in the seem now ripping at her heart

Full of Void

Last night my dreams were empty

The void had stretched across both realms

The place where I had so often sought solitude

Now dismantled like my heart

 

Through the wreckage I delve

To salvage even the smallest glimpse of hope

Anything to pull me out from this mire

Back up the treacherous slope

 

I won’t be so impetuous in future

To grasp the hand offering experience

But be weary of motives underlying

For they may yield inconceivable consequences

 

Trust of my instincts I must regain

For not doing so has lead me astray

Everything in life comes at a cost

It’s up to you to determine what price you’re willing to pay

Love Locked

I once poured poetic words onto paper for a love almost daily.

Every little thing about her ran through my mind. Like a broken record on repeat, I could not evade the thoughts, nor did I want to.

She told me my love felt like freeeom. She promised me her heart forever, but one day I woke up and found her gone. I was no longer the star in the centre of her universe. Like the petals of a rose that had seen no sun for days on end, we had withered until there were nothing left to hold, nothing left to love. The saddest loss is one that slips away slowly, right in front of your eyes, and even though you know it’s happening, you are unable to do anything about it.

She was an architect. She built a home in my heart and planted the seeds of a future on empty promises and words unsaid. I held her on a pedestal, and when she left, she left the most complex of ruins in my heart that would never again be whole. The fearless iron castle I once was, then lay crumbled in ruins, left to battle only with myself. It had been naive of me to think I could be content in giving away all of myself, my heart, my soul, nearly every waking thought to her, when she could give little sustenance in return. To think she could be honest with me, when she couldn’t even be honest with herself. That she could give me the love I needed, when she denied the same for herself. So I let her go, and yet I still hold on. Someone tell me how it’s done. How do I rid myself of the memories that keep me locked in limbo with the past? For loving her has just about destroyed me.